Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, Dale. Third Christmas without your arms around me.

I lost it yesterday morning. It came out of the blue. Been fighting a cold, and while blowing my nose I broke down in tears. Krista thought I was crying because I was tired of blowing my brains out. But, alas – I was missing you so much. The rest of the day went downhill from there. Oh, I wasn’t crying all day, but I was in a depressed funk.

Spending Christmas Eve at Amy’s house didn’t help. Matter of fact, I think it made it even worse. Here I was, surrounded by people who love me….and I was so lonely.

Since my fall on Thanksgiving – did I tell you about that? Turkey drippings somehow got on the floor, and I was lucky enough to find it with my feet. I landed with a vengeance. Bruised my left knee and my left side ribs. Anyway, since falling I’ve been in a funk. Not so much depressed, but I’ve been secluding myself – resisting going out of the house. Don’t worry, I haven’t been total hermit, but if given the choice…and if it didn’t have anything to do with business… I would choose to stay home.

During Lily’s third birthday party, I started feeling my throat go sore. Practically fell asleep at Amy’s house. Went home and went to bed. Actually, since my fall, my bedtime has hovered around 5:30pm to 8:30pm. Ugggg… do you remember me EVER going to bed THAT early? Moving forward – I’ve just not been the same since my fall, and now compound my cold – I’m a mess. Physically and mentally.

Today, Christmas Day, started out pretty good. I got up early to put out Haylee and Samantha’s presents. We couldn’t put them out beforehand because Pearl would have torn them to pieces. Krista asked if I make Oma’s pancakes for breakfast. Where I got the energy I don’t know. Jeremy and the girls don’t care for them – but I didn’t care. Krista and I enjoyed them, and that’s all that counts. Krista takes such great care of me, the least I could do was make her favorite pancakes for Christmas.

There’s more to the day… but I won’t go into that.  I begin feeling ill. Dizzy and so tired. It was quite a few hours until I began feeling better. It’s close to 9:00pm, so it’s been 7 hours since the dizziness set in.

I played your lottery ticket numbers yesterday. Wasn’t able to watch the news for the winning numbers tonight. I’ll check in the morning. I think I’d rather go to bed not knowing if I won than go to bed knowing I lost. Although I HAVE been thinking positively about winning. Talked to God (and you) about what I would be doing with the money. Sure hope God was listening – sure hope he accommodated my request.

Watching the movie, “You’ve Got Mail” and it made me think of you again. Remember, we met online and communicated via email most of the time. Wish we were still communicating. Even communicating via email would be better than looking up to the moon and talking to you as if you looking down at me.

I should be writing you more often – I have so much on my mind and in my heart these days. Will try harder.

Miss you dearly, Dale. Even though I’m looking for love again – no one will ever replace you in my heart.

Sweet Dreams My Love,

Eydie :)

About Eydie

Eydie Stumpf, Grief Mentor, helping widows and widowers resolve their grief through writing. WordPress website designer and blogger. View all posts by Eydie

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