Hope you celebrated your 65th birthday yesterday with all your loved ones. Did you have a big party? I know you really don’t like them – but I still hope you had one.
I didn’t write anything yesterday because I need to stop thinking and focusing on things like birthdays, holidays, and special anniversaries of any kind. I think of you EVERY DAY, and focusing on those special days when they happen – well they just make my grieving take a step backwards.
I had a real busy day yesterday. Between meetings, networking, and karaoke at the Lodge, I was barely home. Staying busy helped to keep my mind focused on me and my life.
Krista kept asking me if I was going to the cemetery. It’s been awhile since I’ve come to visit with you. Next week looks good for a visit with you. Expect to see me then.
Recently I have been doing things to get me squared away from the inside out. Taking classes, reading devotionals, listening to self-help recordings… just so I can figure out who I am these days.
Kevin gave me a book called “Jesus Calling”. It contains daily devotionals. Now… don’t go to Jesus and tell Him I’m reading these. I still have great trouble understanding why God does what he does. And, damn it, some of the devotionals make Him seem so controlling and egotistical. But I promised Kevin I would read each day’s devotional – and I am.
Sweetie – I miss you so much. I absolutely hate that you’re gone. My life has changed soooooo much and keeps changing every day…and sometimes not for the good. Oh sure, I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me back. It’s other things that are bugging me. Won’t go into that just now.
Well, I’ll have to say goodbye for now. I sort of made a mess in the kitchen. Got a bit frustrated earlier by the upside-down condition the house is in. I can’t find anything anymore. I don’t know my own home any longer. It’s frustrating – very frustrating.
Sweet Dreams My Love,