Whew – where do I begin? As you probably already know, I’ve been going through some emotional stuff this past year. Love seems to be avoiding me, and it’s rather disconcerting. I’m beginning to feel as if I won’t ever find that one man who will love me as much as you did.
Things didn’t work out with Steve. It isn’t as if I didn’t give him enough chances – we dated and broke up five times. This last time, on Valentines Day, was the last straw for me. I’m so glad that I didn’t break up with Dale – hmmmm, did I tell you about him? I think I’ll need to go back and read some older posts. Be right back!
Well, it seems that I didn’t tell you about Dale. I’ll be quick…..
Met Dale on a dating site. I saw his picture and profile, but I wasn’t interested in meeting him. However, Dale messaged me. And, like the considerate person I am, I responded. Before I knew it, we were chatting away for days, then on the phone….text of phone….every day.
It bothered me that his name was Dale. Gave me the creeps to tell you the truth. But, I had to keep things in perspective. It’s just when he calls or texts, and his/your name popped up on the screen – my heart skips a beat. Anyway, Dale wanted to meet for dinner. We agreed on January 1st – New Year’s Day. I asked him where he’d like to meet – and this is when I totally freaked out – he said Hunny’s! OUCH!!! Dale – that’s where you and I first met in person.
I wasn’t sure I could go through with the meeting. In my head, though, I kept telling myself that it’s not the same Hunny’s location so it won’t be exactly the same.
Driving over to Hunny’s that night, I prayed that he was a jerk. “Please let him be a jerk, please let him be a jerk”, I kept saying out loud as I drove. When I arrived, he was standing outside waiting for me. Quite the opposite from when I met you, right Dale? LOL I still can’t believe that I waited for you close to 30 minutes. So glad I did though.
Long story short – Dale is lovely. A total gentleman. He’s not, however, my Prince Charming. We have a lot of similar likes and dislikes, and we can carry on decent conversations, but our end game is not the same. Mine is retiring at the beach, and his is retiring in the mountains. Dale isn’t looking for a long term relationship that ends in marriage, and well, I may or may not be looking at marriage – but I am looking at some kind of long term relationship.
When Steve popped back in my life earlier this month – I was going to break up with Dale. Dale does have a bit of a negative streak to him….not a bad one, and it’s tolerable, but I’d prefer that he be more positive. He also has PTSD and Agent Orange – which is one reason why he’s not looking for a long term relationship. Dale’s PTSD is also dampening my social life. He’s not a party guy – and doesn’t like crowds…all PTSD related. So, that affects my life as well.
Back to breaking up with Dale — I was feeling so much angst and anxiety about breaking up with Dale. Although I don’t love him, I do care for him very much. He’s such a dear man. And he’s quite loving. Dale is loveable – just like you.
I cried for days just thinking about having to break up with this dear man. Whew – thank goodness I didn’t. He’s doing all the things I’ve wanted a man to do. He thinks about me, and when he does…he calls or texts me. We talk most every day. He’s supportive of my new career path – which I’ll tell you more about – and he’s always willing to help me when I have problems. He’s piss poor – but that’s okay. I’m not asking him to support me. Both of us being on the broke side of life does present some issues, but nothing we can’t overcome. We don’t go out a lot – so I go to his house and we watch movies and stuff. I don’t see him too often, but that too works for me. I still have someone in my life who cares about me – yet I can still go “run amuck” as you used to say when I went out with the girls. Right now, I think it gives me the best of both worlds.
Well – I thought I’d be quick. LOL
Now, let me tell you about my new career path. In my last post to you I told you I’m thinking about going into grief mentoring. Well, I finally made the decision to do so. My new website is EydieStumpf.com and I’m so excited about this new journey I’m taking. I can help other widows and widowers get through their grief, pain and healing through writing. My tagline is “Reconciling Your Grief and Healing Through Writing”. Clients have the option of having me build them a simple blog – like the one I have for you – or do their writing in a journal. I’ll offer one-on-one and group sessions.
I feel so passionate about this. I truly dislike social media – the whole thing makes me feel ill. AND – through grief mentoring I get to not only help others, but it will be a tribute to you therefore giving meaning to your passing, and that you didn’t die in vain. Something good always has to come out of something bad.
I still love you, Dale. You will always be the love of my life.
Sweet Dreams, Dear Dale,