I’ve had a revelation – I’m not looking for a man. I don’t need a man. I don’t want a man. Odd uh?? All this time I’ve been looking for a man that I could hold, hug, kiss, share my thoughts and feelings — love —- but no. Not anymore.
When I was living in our Corona home all I could think about is having someone to love in my life. I wanted there to be a man who would love and adored me. I wanted the ‘couple thing’ to happen for me again.
Now that I’ve been living on my own, in my own apartment, I’ve realized that it wasn’t a man I was looking for – it was quite the opposite. I wanted to be alone. Not alone like not having family and friends around me. But alone in the way that I can do what I want, when I want, the way I want. There’s no “what do you want for dinner” issue. No, “what movie do you want to see” battle. I don’t have to account for my whereabouts, or ask permission to go someplace.
I’m simply free of all that hulla-ba-loo. And I like it.
I’m tired of the whole dating thing too. Is he going to call? Do I make my own plans for Friday or Saturday night..or do I wait to see if he has something planned (which the guy generally doesn’t). Dang — I’m done with it all.
Right now, I just want to go out and have a good time. Do a little flirting, turn some heads, put smiles on faces, and simply have fun in my life.
With all that said, Robert is still in my life – I think. He doesn’t call or text as much as he did early on in our relationship. And I have to tell you – that’s okay. I’m not 100% crazy about him anyway. He’s a nice companion, but I can’t say that I think I’d ever fall in love with him. So, if this relationship ends – then so be it. I’m almost hoping it does. Then I can go on and flirt away. Meet men the normal way (not online) and date casually.
I was part of a birthday party for Patrick last night. Patrick lives in the apartments and is friends with Levi and a bunch of others. Levi invited me to join them – so I did. Most of them are much older – but we had a great time. There was a man there in a wheelchair. His name is Chuck. Chuck has MS. He’s Vietnam Vet. Anyway, we got to talking and I told him I’m an Elk and I belong to the American Legion. He belongs to the Legion as well. Long story short, we’re going together on Wednesday for dinner at the Apache Junction Legion. Now… I’m not interested in him as a boyfriend. But he’s a nice man who was witty and easy to talk with. I enjoyed his company last night and it doesn’t bother me that he’s in a wheelchair. He’ll be a nice friend – and if we go to the Legion together, well, that works for me.
So, dear Dale — you’re still number one in my book. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to fill your shoes. Nor should anyone have to FILL your shoes. If there is someone out there for me – he’ll have to be comfortable in his own shoes.
In the meantime – call me “Flirty Eydie”…cuz that’s all I’m about these days.
Love you lots — and miss you even more.
Sweet Dreams My Love,