Happy Belated Birthday

Dear Dale,

Hope you celebrated your 65th birthday yesterday with all your loved one. Did you have a big party? I know you really don’t like them – but I still hope you had one.

I didn’t write anything yesterday because I need to stop thinking and focusing on things like birthdays, holidays, and special anniversaries of any kind. I think of you EVERY DAY, and focusing on those special days when they happen – well they just make my grieving take a step backwards.

I had a real busy day yesterday. Between meetings, networking, and karaoke at the Lodge, I was barely home. Staying busy helped to keep my mind focused on me and my life.

Krista kept asking me if I was going to the cemetery. It’s been awhile since I’ve come to visit with you, I know. Next week looks good for a visit with you. Expect to see me then.

Recently I have been doing things to get me squared away from the inside out. Taking classes, reading devotionals, listening to self-help recordings… just so I can figure out who I am these days.

Kevin gave me a book called “Jesus Calling”. It contains daily devotionals. Now… don’t go to Jesus and tell Him I’m reading these. I still have great trouble understanding why God does what he does. And, damn it, some of the devotionals make Him seem so controlling and egotistical. But I promised Kevin I would read each day’s devotional – and I am.

Sweetie – I miss you so much. I absolutely hate that you’re gone. My life has changed soooooo much and keeps changing every day…and sometimes not for the good. Oh sure, I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me back. It’s other things that are bugging me. Won’t go into that just now.

Well, I’ll have to say goodbye for now. I sort of made a mess in the kitchen. Got a bit frustrated earlier by the upside-down condition the house is in. I can’t find anything anymore. I don’t know my own home any longer. It’s frustrating – very frustrating.

Sweet Dreams My Love,

Eydie :)

About Eydie

My name is Eydie and I have been recently widowed. This blog is my way of helping me to grieve and possibly making some sort of sense of his senseless death. View all posts by Eydie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: